thoughts for 2009

• the insulation in my bathroom has an R value (and i'm just estimating here) of negative 3
• i've flossed everyday since after christmas. well. almost everyday.
• so again, why are we in afghanistan?
• breastfeeding does not make one lose weight.
• calculus can be fun. not to me, but i've seen it.
• if someone lives in an apartment juxtapositioned to 3 other families' apartments, you should not buy that someone a drum kit.
• common sense is a misnomer. it is not common.
• debt is bad.
• the scariness of telling people about Jesus is in yr mind.
• monkeys are gross.

our benefactor, kerosene

for weeks we've looked forward to staying at the cabin. think quaint town, lower sierras, fresh pine, creaky and clean old cabin, snow, coldness, donner party...

(okay. maybe not the last one. that was more I-80ish. and this is more 108 on the way to yosemite-ish.)

so vacation is granted. bags packed. food prepared. chains purchased ("we are so going to return these").

up the highway, by way uncle and aunt and cousins and great g-rents, it starts to snow. significantly.

bonus: no chain control til just past our turn off. so we crawl our way to town. really coming down now. wet snow. thickly.

the trick is to make it up the last hill to the cabin. the hill on which three small children are tempting the fates versus an old jeep grand cherokee with balding snow tires. (rolling of eyes, slow shaking of the head.) good thing six inches of snow is softer than asphalt.

we make it. no children maimed. turned on the cabin propane heater. donned chains (it was getting rather hairy). made it to the store. overheard: "half the county is without power..." upon walking out with groceries... all went dark. well. in the store. there is nothing dark about night in the snow.

wasn't. pg&e says lights out for three days.

hm.

this will temporary, i'm sure.

i say, all my food must be cooked and the stove is electric. dangit.

quiet night. kerosene lamps. fume headaches.

warm loft. cold milk and snacks from front porch refrigerator.

quiet night. dad and daughter enjoy the warm fire. warm glow to rock baby by. mesmerizing flames distract sleeping.

daylight. exhaustion. pack-up. no chains on for snow bank drama. (same children tempt fates... this time on our way down. clearly they got smarter over the night?) thanks again for the nor'easter shovel, dad. coffee and donut.

beautiful drive down the mountain.

visit with bryan's fam.

next time we'll be more prepared...

bbq equipment and more lanterns.

camping stove and dehydrated grub.

generator and batteries.

here's the young one's view of the drive:

voice log stardate 01172010

driving the 217 miles to my sisters new condo, i needed to relieve some stress accruing from the horrendous drive. yes. accruing. like debt in the form of an over-priced high interest government loan that they refuse allow consolidation on and thus grows with prime plus who-knows-what while on deferment due to lack of income... but more on that another time.

it was way too dangerous on I-80, so when i got to walnut creek (the home stretch) i hit record on my phone. the following is a transcript of that monologue. among other things, what to learn from this is... i need to pay attention to my tenses, and i use 'really' and 'actually' and 'and' too much in my speech.

unedited:

"alright, this is entitled diamonds are not forever. and it really only applies to the people who drive to the [dirty] bay area.

and i had to practice my bradley birthing method breathing in order to not cry after hydroplaning. and even though the diamond lane is right next to the divider, and i'd rather run into a concrete divider than another car, um... hydroplaning is like one of the most frightening experiences when you're going 70 miles an hour. especially on 680 were people are psychotic anyway and drive like a bunch of idiots.

there's a reason why people, especially on I-80, [the diamond lane is] completely abandoned. i'm like, 'why aren't people driving on this?'

oh and when everyone else is braking in front of you, you should go ahead and brake as well, cause it means there's two inches of standing water in the freeway.

so i'm very thankful for the angels of I-5, 505 and 680.

this is crazy. it's some of the worst stuff i've ever driven through. ever. visibility is so poor i can't even read the street signs. it's a really good thing i know this road and i've driven it hundreds of times.

it's not a good thing that i'm in a toyota corolla. i don't even know how old these tires are. i don't think it matters.

and i will... [unintelligible (even to me and it's my voice and i was there. lol.)]... and there is no way i'm getting back on this freeway. as soon as i recognize a sign taking back roads to san ramon, i'm gonna do it.

plus i have to pee. really bad. but there were a few times on 505 where i really needed that coffee.

granted, people are being really cautious, which is nice. and i followed this honda civic forever on I-80 until they decided to go into the second lane, which i'm just not willing to do.

the wind is so bad--it's not so bad here on 680, which is strange--it's really bad in Maxwell area.

ah, lovorna road, praise the- oh... water... [clunk] oh... ah... i hope i didn't just break a tire. this road sucks man, they really need to pave this. there's like a huge dent in the road just filled with water. the only reason i knew about it was the huge van in front of me actually slowed down. i think he's gonna be my partner for the rest of the time here."

this doesn't even begin to illustrate how nasty it was. and no. i didn't look through the view finder. i could do this stuff blind. and notice there's no one around me. come on. i'm not that stupid.

[as freedom is a breakfastfood]

from the coolest website ever, the poetry foundation's.

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

as freedom is a breakfastfood

or truth can live with right and wrong

or molehills are from mountains made

—long enough and just so long

will being pay the rent of seem

and genius please the talentgang

and water most encourage flame

as hatracks into peachtrees grow

or hopes dance best on bald men’s hair

and every finger is a toe

and any courage is a fear

—long enough and just so long

will the impure think all things pure

and hornets wail by children stung

or as the seeing are the blind

and robins never welcome spring

nor flatfolk prove their world is round

nor dingsters die at break of dong

and common’s rare and millstones float

—long enough and just so long

tomorrow will not be too late

worms are the words by joy’s the voice

down shall go which and up come who

breats will be breasts thighs will be thighs

deeds cannot dream what dreams can do

—time is a tree(this life one leaf)

but love is the sky and i am for you

just so long and long enough