the quag and another thing i know

some more thoughts on church. specifically the weekly gathering of the Lord's people:
it should not be lame.
what do i mean by this descriptor? i mean exactly that.
lame.
as in slow, not fully functional, weak, lacking in usefulness, ineffectual.
also, i'd like "church" to be a place where...

• if i did not bring my Bible i would wish i had. (that was an extremely hard sentence to get the tenses straight in. and even know i'm doubting its dubious grammaticalness.) 
• that, and a pencil and paper to write on.
• the worship in song, prayer and teaching is a augmentation of what i've been doing by myself or with my family all week
• a time after which i can't wait to go home and get to know Jesus more in His book. because the gathering, the assembling of His people has stoked the fire of my adoration for the One who paid it all.

spare me the litany of societal woes repeatedly gathered by gallup. the psychology shrouded in biblical references. the pleadings for offerings via old testament eisegesis. the criticisms of neighboring churches and their questionable creeds on music.
spare me the lameness.
seriously. stop it.
however, it was rather refreshing to read in Psalms the sons of Korah (who, ironically, i just read about in 1 Chronicles) describe the gathering of God's people for the purpose of His praise:

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?" 42:2

"These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng." 42:4

"Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me;

let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

Then I will go to the altar of God,

to God, my joy and delight,

I will praise you with the harp,

O God, my God." 43:3-4

and now i really i feel like i'm missing something.

oh and also i made a dress. (thanks mr. Fassett.)

weak sauce

stardate 08102011

i just read the pentateuch through. (as in, Genesis through Deutoronomy.) then Joshua. very good stuff. i thoroughly enjoyed it.

then i read Judges.

sick. shocking. and super disturbing.
dis-turb-ing.
i will not meditate or even think about some of the stories in that book. at one point, i had to have psalms read to me to wash the imagery out of my head.
(my new least favorite character in the old testament is Jephthath. after reading the account of his life i pretty much hate his guts. the who's who of who not to invite if you want me at your party.)
i get it though. Israel was entrusted with the very words of God. and then messed up. big time.
don't we all? over and over and over...

dirty, dirty Judges. it shows the sheer filth of life without the fear of God. times ten spajillion since it was most the nation of Israel. let me just try, having just read it once through, to stab, in no particular order, at some themes here:

• doing whatever you want doesn't work out so great
• God uses some seriously crooked and confused people to accomplish His purposes
• a group of people need leadership
• it is helpful if leaders aren't of moral weak sauce
• being left-handed can be quite a tactical advantage
• women can be vicious and awful 4:21; 14:16-17; 16:15-16;
• men can be stupid and violent 8:27; 11:35,39; 19:25-27
• God intervenes in the gnarliest of times
• He really means what He says so you better do so

then i remembered a verse that sums it up real nice-like:

"All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people,

who walk in ways not good,

pursuing their own imaginations—

a people who continually provoke me to my very face..."

Isaiah 65:2-3a

by His grace, i hope i may never be counted among those. who provoke.

yikes.

special forces on a special day

yep. that would be the two year-old wearing her new special forces cap. suits her.

this girl loves her hats. and bracelets. and barettes. and bags. that's my accessorizing girl. and she didn't learn it from me.

it was truly hilarious to go through the Costco with her in a bright-white ankle-length lace-trimmed April Cornell cotton dress and a black cap that says,

"SPECIAL FORCES:

Mess with the best,

Die like the rest."

it's pretty neat the things they peddle at the Nob Hill/Raley's.

"two two, two two." and now you know how to count to five.

the world is ours to rejoice in. for we know its Creator.
thus comes our haikus of wonderment:

lizards across toes
the crows whom are all our pets
soft donkey muzzles

bright blue plastic ball
mister potatohead hat
sinking pink balloons

nuggets with Page then
shaun the sheep, cousins, grandma,
grandpa on the couch

hearing the news

when i was small—and i mean before 1987 small—a little boy i used to play with in my grandparents' neighborhood died after being struck by a car. (that is one of my least favorite phrases, by the way. "struck by a vehicle" and variants thereof are very ugly words.)
it was unexpected. when i heard of it i was sitting behind our brown recliner with the brass-looking rivets. a friend was over. and i blew it off.
"did you know that kid?"
"yeah," shrugging my shoulders.
what else was i supposed to do? i'd never see him again. was he in hell? did he trust Jesus? i didn't know how to react.
but i was heartbroken.
his name was Paul.
and sometimes i think about his family.
this month is my grandpa's memorial service. he died in his sleep a few weeks ago. a thing we knew would come. expected even. i read it in a text one morning. i didn't know how i'd react to his death. i knew i would see him again by and by.
turns out i smiled. i rejoiced. all i could think of was the wonders he was beholding. seeing clearly. hearing.
Jesus.
but i'm heartbroken.
his name is Roger.
i always think about his family.
and how they just welcomed him home.

just say no...

...to taking pseudo-ephedra pseudaphedrine pseudi... whatever it's called. don't take it at night. even if the very fear of a head cold yields insomnia. this would be more adventageous. it's 00:50 hours and my resting pulse is 96. is that high? it feels awful poundy.

...to starting new projects. i've officially declared this the "summer of completion." i just gave my friends a quilt i began last spring a full 364 days after their wedding—certainly was very Emily Post of me... barely.

...to clearing bush that looks like poison oak.

...to throwing away crochet patterns from the 1940's.

...to wearing anything but sandals in July.

...to putting the ponies with the other barnyard animals.

the quag and a thing i know

there's a thing i know that sustains me through times of upheaval.
God loves loves loves His bride. hear that? He adores the church.
did He not give Himself up for her? Wayne Grudem writes, "So great is God's plan for the church that He has exalted Christ to a postion of highest authority for the sake of the church..." Whaaa??

wow. chew on that for a minute.
or month.
them that mess with those whom the Lord of the heavenly armies loves are fools. destined for the smite-age even. (smittage. smitage. whatev.) nuh-uh not i. (none of those three lines are sentences. i know.)
i once heard a professor tell a good story to illustrate this. he was an elder of a church. the church leadership was given clear direction by God to take a bold step of faith. all the elders were of one mind and excited to move forward. except one crotchedy old fart who'd been there forever and had hardened his heart. the other elders pled and conversed with this dude but he wouldn't budge. they then prayed that any hindrance to God's plan be removed.
the old man died the next day.
true story. they moved forward and saw God's sweeping hand bless their socks off.
i'm telling you, don't mess with His bride. it's not the road to simple living--simple in the how-not-to-get-rebuked-by-God-in-ways-more-creative-than-you-can-possibly-imagine sense of the word.

yesterday was my birthday

and so i ponder.
besides immediate family (six homes represented) i never get cards.
except my cousin Rebecca. always from my cousin. she gets what i'm just now getting. being acknowldedged for your birthday is huge. it's your one day in a year when folks can say, "i'm glad you're alive," without it sounding super awkward. (okay. it still sounds awkward. but it's warranted.) it takes a bit of forethought and a stamp, but it's way worth the smile at the other end. did i say stamp? yes. because e-cards hardly qualify.
growing up there were something like 37 cousins' birthdays to contend with just on my mom's side. we gathered (wisely) only once a quarter lumping everyone's together. mine was always with Rachel (Rebecca's sister. perhaps ironically.) which was rad since our families were closest anyway. (this happens when your mothers are sisters.)

tim, rachel, rebecca, and me (incidentally after i cut my own bangs. i'm an artist.)

and also if you are awesome.

which is so very obvious from this picture of us in 1982 at the cabin. (sorry sisters. you were not yet.)  you can see our awesomeness clearly. sheer awesomeness. it's radiating off the screen even as you read this. such love. such affection. such a pout from a stong-willed only-child. who could that be...?

anyway, with birthdays three days apart, we had cakes together. opened gifts and cards together. then played with our presents together. hopefully the presents weren't lame. they rarely were. our uncles, aunts and grandparents were good gift-pickers. you can imagine why these gatherings went the way of the dinosaur. just think of the budgeting required to buy 37 gifts a year for snot-nosed children.

which brings me to my second point. why have birthday parties and cake become perfunctory obligations to be ignored? 

sadness.

just because we're adults? don't we enjoy cake just as much? even while feigning a weight-loss diet, do we not ditch it for birthday cake?

lame.
this culture needs a birthday revolution. let it start with me.
happy birthday Rachel! your card will be terribly late.

revelation vs. poultry

it cracks me up when people say, "God told me..." or "I received a word from the Lord," and then proceed to tell me something that can't be found in His word.
consider that "God will add to him the plagues described..." painful sores, bloody fish waters, third degree sunburn, gnawing of one's tongue in agony...
need i go on?
(thanks for that John.)
in the words of a wise man i know:
keep it to yourself.
"maybe you just ate bad chicken."

bird walk

these are the birds i've seen the last few weeks by the sacramento river. i'd take pictures of them if i was able. but i don't have a nikkor telephoto and sick nikon like my dad. so i rely on others to illustrate.
hooded merganser 
gadwall
american widgeon
mallard
northern shoveler
buffflehead
ring-necked
and maybe a common goldeneye
my favorite this season is the gadwall. at first glance, you'd think he was a boring brown. but nay. he is gorgeous. i especially like the black bum.
the following is by Kenneth Grahame from Wind in the Willows, possibly the best story book ever composed. it's the song the water rat sang to tick off the ducks in the river.


Ducks' Ditty
All along the backwater,

Through the rushes tall,
Ducks are a-dabbling,
Up tails all!

Ducks' tails, drakes' tails,
Yellow feet a-quiver,
Yellow bills all out of sight
Busy in the river!

Slushy green undergrowth
Where the roach swim—
Here we keep our larder,
Cool and full and dim.

Everyone for what he likes!
We like to be
Heads down, tails up,
Dabbling free!

High in the blue above
Swifts whirl and call—
We are down a-dabbling
Up tails all!