trashy food worth purging

i think the creators of fruit loops took color theory or something. or maybe i'm quilting too much. but this cereal seriously makes me want to make a quilt.
why do i even have this nasty stuff in my kitchen? sigh. it was buy one get one free. so duh i bought these and apple jacks. and maybe corn pops.

the colors look so happy together. i think it's to counter the illness you feel after you eat them. and there's only 12 grams of sugar per serving... but it's super toxic sugar. it's the only time i think i've ever read the ingredients start with SUGAR. how do you start with sugar? is this hard candy? ew.
and am i not supposed to be cutting this stuff out of my diet? yes. i have been. really. then i had a cereal craze. it was cheap. so yeah. i see how people who don't have a lot of money are obese. i mean, eating poorly is super cheaper than eating well. man did that binge make me feel ill.
don't do it friends. don't.

the melting pot one

currently, i'm phasing out refined sugar. it's part of an inner quest for peace.
peace from pain. (other recommended fasts are from coffee, red meat, and dairy. who are these people? and why do they hate joy?)
anyway.
i didn't know why chef ramsay calls this a hot chocolate "fondant" cause that's like, fancy cake frosting. i looked it up and it means melting in french. ahhh. i can see why he renamed it. it sounds much more neato.
regardless of what it is called, i do know it had sugar in it. i know cause i made it. duh.
but i am allowing a nice dessert once a week, so this was this week's from Gordon Ramsay Makes it Easy.

and it's so ridiculously easy. it's almost wrong. you melt two things together, whip two other things together, and add some other thing. it bakes for 12 minutes and you flip it over. like i  said. ridiculous. oh. and delicious. though next time i'd use 72% cocoa instead of 60%, and add liquer for sure. just to make it even more ridiculous.

especially when paired with peet's uzuri blend. mmmm....

the book says "100 sophisticated but simple recipes." sophisticated. read: never heard of unless you when to a culinary school in france. but truly simple. which i can get into. it's like, a minimalist's approach to diabetes, really.

(but to cancel it out, my sis and i made this beautiful roasted butternut squash soup. very wintery of us. i know. but that's what happens when it gets in the 70's here. we go a bit crazy.)

the two lennys, part I

what place is shady even at night?
when's the last time you've been to a denny's? i know. think hard. my girl kelly and i couldn't remember so we went. that, and the black bear was closed for maintenance (bear-ification? whaaaa? they still don't have bear paw prints on the carpet. this is stupid. and thusly not bear-ificated [not to be confused with bifurcated]).
so as we sat in the car mourning the loss of real mac and cheese, we thought long and hard about where to go after 10 in redding. bars and in-n-out don't count. we came up with one place. and this is that one place.

initially, what is so endearing about lenny's-i-mean-denny's, is this sign. as if we would get seated served and cashed out in less than 90 minutes denny's. i just wouldn't happen. so already our hopes are lifted and dashed.

first off, the cherry cola float. it was only after a few sips that i came to wonder... why is this pink? what is making my float pink? cherry coke is not pink. am i sucking down a dye-rich food? why yes i am. upon further reading (there is fine print at denny's if you're faithful to look for it.) i learn that it is coca-cola with cherry flavor added. and who knows what was in the ice cream. i didn't ask.
regardless. it was delicious. i mean look at it. no photoshopping! this is true to life. i know. you can hardly believe it. you also wouldn't believe the film of ick that was on that paper-thingy i placed next to it for juxtapositional effect. (i made that up. just now.)



the club was alright. nothing to write home about. the bacon didn't speak to me, you know?
in the background of this next photo is little round balls of love. pancake puppies. aside from the fact i find it terrible disconcerting to eat anything with nomenclature from my favorite animal (besides the red panda, of course), it was very tasty. how could they not have been? basically they are berry and white chocolate chip pancakes rolled in a sphere and deep fried. deep fat fried. and they came to us hot sprinkled with powdered sugar and wholly unnecessary side of dipping syrup. (check the outrageous nutional value of just one.) so of course i had three.

i regretted this later. but not as badly as i anticipated. there is, after all, something magical about acidophilus pills and herbal tea (homemade yo! calendula, chamomile, peppermint, and lemon grass).


on a side note: blogger is really ticking me off with this layout mess. how hard is it to get their code savvy? apparently, very.

of high hot heat and porridge

the view from the jeep this week:

in other news...
i think i'm on the INS watchlist. i'm sure true patriots question my citizenship. my very country of origin. my allegiance is sketchy. the border patrol hover ever so loftily above my abode.
because i hate watermelon.
it's pretty devasting. downright unamerican if you ask me. i can't help it. every year i try. have i had a good one? plenty. i have my father attest to their quality and amazingness. i try again and again. and hate it again and again. i even know if it tastes like it's supposed to. if it's delicious or not. i just can't eat more than a bite. and even then, i'm sorry i did.
determined to not raise a child of such bewildering faults, i got to thinking.
what would go well with that summer day? i know. i thought the same thing. porridge. watermelon porridge. give me that food grinder.
gross, yes? yes. but the small one liked it. maybe not her bowels. did you know watermelon gives you gas? i didn't. like i mentioned. i don't eat it. also, did you konw if you spit it up during your nap and rub your face in it, you are liable to get a sweet rash that itches a bit? me neither.

dye fail and heat

the amaranth family

it wasn't an effort to be green, hippy or resourceful. i just wanted to be creative. that, and the white packages were cheaper.
enter beets and a onesie. 
i'm awful at following directions--by choice, mind you--and this was no exception. though because there were so many steps i skipped, i'm not sure which was the critical impetus to failure. you see a representation of the end product. i had--and this is probably obvious--wanted to turn the thing a pinkish hue. it worked on youtube.
beets are from the amaranth family. incidentally, amaranth flour is a fabulous high-lysine (an essential fatty acid lacking in most grains) grain with zero gluten for my celiac friends. so if the dinosaurs in jurassic park ate it, maybe they could reproduce? (that was for my movie buff friends.) can can boil or roast the tap root and eat it savory or sweet style. if you like a mild flavor of soil in your meal, you will especially appreciate these. the ancient romans thought it was a great laxative (it has three times the fiber as wheat). don't eat too many because its abundant oxalite equals kidney stones.
i did end up being resourceful afterall. i ate the beets with cottage cheese for breakfast, and the greens wilted and paired nicely with the freshly caught bass i fried in a smattering of bacon grease. take that, Fail!

last of the sleeves

it was in the 70s and then 90s this week (currently 97 to be exact). the wind was cool and now it's not ("feels like 92"). i've embraced the beginning of a long summer. questions currently filling my brain are:

1. are those flea bites or heat rash?
2. is an $80 cotton car seat cover (why do they insist on poly-fleece fuzzy lining?) worth it or can i make a linen one for less?
3. could i sell said linen covers?
4. will my heirloom "russian purple" tomato plant die in the heat?
5. can our jeep's a/c last another year? what's that burning smell when it's on?

here, the small one waits for her capuccino during the last day of long-sleeves. she's a customer service nazi, just like her mama.

McReflections

I went to McDonald's for the first time in... ("a presence I've not felt since...")

Well, it's been like, forever.

You know what my favorite part about McDonald's is? Apart from its long-enduring iconic American presence?

The straws.

Bryan noted the maximum suckage capacity. I noted the colored stripes. Our drink was gone quickly. Is this to make us buy bigger drinks? Cause the small one that came with the $3 meal, truly is the smallest of all fast food restaurants. (Okay, so I only go to Jack-in-the-Box and In-n-Out. I have an affinity for hyphens. And $1 huge cheeseburgers. And cow that tastes like cow.)

One must assume that every centimeter of McDonald's and its products is brilliant marketing designed to make you want to buy more of their crappy food. It's the only way they've survived. The red and yellow and arches? They have magical powers.

Another fave of mine is the McJargon. We parked and ate rather close to the drive-thru. (Please be aware that I know this is spelled wrong. But drive-through looks heinously incorrect, yes?) These folks are die-hard McFans. What struck me was the utter seriousness of their use of "Mc" everything. While I asked for "the cheap chicken sandwhich and the double cheeseburger $3 meal thing", dudes talk very matter-of-factly into the intercom with a secret language. "I'll have a McChicken, McNuggets, Big Mac (apparently, according to the Tartans, Mc and Mac are interchangeable. Good for MacDonalds. I thought someone overlooked a major faux pas.) and a McDrink..." Okay I don't know about the McDrink. But you see my wonder.

crabby patty

just out of beckoning curiosity, why is it that when they serve crab, it has to be in its shell? honestly. i’m not saying that the task of freeing the delicious sweet meat of a snow crab isn’t worth getting juices up to yr elbows and gashes on yr hands from shell and crab zipper isn’t worth it. i’m just saying, why have we eliminated the middle man?
my hands are burning, yo. though, in part, that may have to do with the fact it was ripped apart and eaten outside on the columbia river in not-so-warm April weather. it was, after all, 38 degrees this morning.

vegan, my eye

well, that was short lived to say the least. by midnight of the fourth day of my hilarious vegan endeavor i broke down and had a bowl of cereal.
milk. raisin bran.

i know, i know. i am so very weak.

but didn't i say that dairy would be my undoing?
that would be me at the bar, while others order frosty mugs of micro-brewed ambers, pilsners, stouts and the likes...
"may i have a pint of whole milk? and i'd like it in a frosty mug, as well."
the looks. the sniggering. but seriously, i'm just saving them time. they don't have to card me or wait for that foamy junk on the top of the beer to subside to finish filling the glass.
i'm low maintenance.

and have healthy bones.
calcium in a pint of micro-brew stout beer (Deschutes Brewery Obsidian Stout): 0 mg.
calcium in a pint of milk: 600 of 1000 mg suggested daily allowance
i think the numbers speak for themselves.
(beer is vegan, though...)

soy vegan, ahora

i’ve gone vegan.

before ya’ll freak out that i’ve freaked out and finally let the pinko-commie p-land air and it’s incessant precipitation get to my head... please know it’s only a temporary detox to see what’s making my joints and muscles hate me... and also know that i still love dairy. at least we’ll always have that.

segue: and also, i’m not about flinging blood-simulating ketchup at passerby mink-wearing nuevo-reich while wearing a fox costume. (i’ve always wondered at PETA, who [incidently being one of the most morally bereft and offensive organizations.... i won’t even tell you why; you’d puke.], being so disgusted by the exploitation of animals, would engage in hurling apparent body fluids of said innocent animals on their fellow mankind in attempts to proselytize them. does anyone else see a contradiction here? i love all God’s creatures but enjoy a nice steak, and that totally grosses me out.)

but while researching the strange world of no animal products, and that word "strange" is used only for lack of a more articulate word, i found this snippet on www.reallynatural.com:

People who ate a low-fat vegan diet, cutting out all meat and dairy, lowered their blood sugar more and lost more weight than people on a standard American Diabetes Association diet, researchers said on Thursday.
They lowered their cholesterol more and ended up with better kidney function, according to the report published in Diabetes Care, a journal published by the American Diabetes Association.
Participants said the vegan diet was easier to follow than most because they did not measure portions or count calories. Three of the vegan dieters dropped out of the study, compared to eight on the standard diet.
"I hope this study will rekindle interest in using diet changes first, rather than prescription drugs," Dr. Neal Barnard, president of the Physician's Committee for Responsible Medicine, which helped conduct the study, told a news conference.

wouldn’t it be just that more horrible if the very foods we loved the most were working hard to hurt us? i’m hoping it’s not the case with me. chronic pain vs. delicious food.

if such is the case, my constant prayer will henceforth be: God, please make there be dairy in heaven. didn’t you say the promised land would be flowing with milk and honey?

cuando tengo que comer una hamburguesa

there are many advantages of not dining out:

• save scratch
• know what's in yr grub
• don't get ill from potential gorging
  
• using yr own bathroom
• avoiding inflated prices
• eat in peace
• no annoying doggy bags to feel obligated to eat out of as seen here
  

these are things i must remind myself of when i crave a juicy cheeseburger and frothy soda.