fibro blog

this entry is for you. because chances are, if you're a human, you know someone who has fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. (both are very similar. in fm, the pain is more pronounced, in cfs, the fatigue is.) their life is a journey of realization and acceptance. of what one can and cannot do. should and shouldn't try. what once was possible, but now impossible.
all because of how it would make them feel.

i’m realizing i spend much of my subconscious energy wishing i felt better. rather hedonistic.
wishing there was an escape from the dull pain throughout my body. a fix for fatigue. i also realize this is the mentality of a drug addict. now there’s a new perspective. can’t judge. i understand the need, the desire to be without. though not at the expense of others and one’s own body. well maybe the latter is understandable, albeit not commendable.
what a waste of thoughts.
been reading about the work of deception in our lives. i’ve been working through it slowly (it’s a brain bender) and it’s making me sharper about recognizing the lies. catching incorrect thinking. like the aforementioned. does it really matter if i don’t feel good? really?
pain and suffering don’t have good synonyms. (let me know if i’m wrong on this.) which is a shame. cause i’m especially done with hearing the word “pain” in my head. “hurt” is emotional in my mind. so that won’t do. (plus, phonetically, it leaves much wanting. i don’t think i like any words with a “bossy ‘r’”.) anyway, the difference between p & s is that the latter has no end in sight. a hopelessness is attributed. i refuse to be hopeless! i rebuke it. fight it. feel it. am plagued by it. and then weariness turns my thoughts to mush. (there's an actual term for this: fibrofog. ridiculous sounding. but scarily accurate.)

the conclusion? it has something to do with the facts: a. Christ cares for me in a way i can't describe, but fully rely on. b. His grace really is sufficient. if i'd pay attention to it. and c. it doesn’t NOT matter what i’m feeling. it matters how i respond. i can’t wish pain away. i can waste away wishing. it’s really insignificant in the scheme of God’s great world aside from the goal—of somehow reflecting the Lord’s glory, “being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory…” which is…
… pretty significant.
p.s. i used to think i needed a therapy dog, but now i’m sure i don’t. i have a therapy daughter. inexpressibly better. like i said. grace.